27, Feb 2008 20:27
Easing the pain of relationship breakups and divorce
How do you heal from devastating losses? There is no one answer to this question, but two things that can provide support during the grieving process are:
• Experiencing your emotions in your body. Numbing or avoiding painful feelings can interrupt healing. And going over and over the details of what happened, why it happened, what you could have done to prevent it from happening is also not productive. To gain a greater ability to experience and manage your emotions see Helpguide’s Quick Course in Raising Emotional Intelligence
• Having the support of other people. Even if you aren’t comfortable talking about your feelings under normal circumstances, it’s important to talk about them when you’re grieving. Knowing that others are aware of your feelings and understand your grief will make you feel better, less alone with your pain, and will help you heal. Support from others can also be found in a divorce recovery group or a twelve-step program
來自其它人的支持: 即使不擅於表達自己的感情 但談論你的感覺的確是很有幫助 因為知道有人知道你的感受和了解你將會使你感受較好 且有助療傷
A note about repeating your story to others
After a while repeating your story in its entirety can grow tedious for you and for others who have listened repeatedly to the same story. But this doesn’t mean that you have to pretend. You can briefly express your feelings to a good friend without having to explain further: “I’m still not my old self,” “I still miss him or her,” “I still feel sad, angry,” etc. Not having to be dishonest helps you feel better. Friends will also benefit from the good feelings they get from seeing that they have helped you – just by listenin
Additional ways to take good care of yourself
• Eat regular, balanced meals – Letting yourself get run down physically makes you feel even worse.
• Exercise daily – more than once a day if possible. Even if you have to force yourself to do it, exercise releases endorphins that will fill you with positive feelings.
• Avoid alcohol and other mind-altering chemicals. Blocking you feelings won’t make them go away and will only prolong suffering.
• Consider having a divorce ceremony or other ritual. Rituals help some people create meaningful symbolic ends to their relationships.
三餐定時 飲食平衡: 不善待自己身體將會使你感覺更糟
每天運動: 如果可以 每天超過一次 即使你必須強迫自己去做 因為運動會使大腦釋放腦嗎啡 其將會使你保持正面的感覺
避免酒精或其它藥品: 關畢自己的感覺並不會使痛苦遠離 進而延長受苦的時間
例如 釋放氣球到天空中 而氣球就好比逝去的關係 消逝在天際 也告訴自己 要往前看
Consider Professional support if
• Feelings of isolation and loneliness persist – even though you are getting helpful information and support from others.
• The intensity of your grief seems not to be diminishing – for example, if you continue to have trouble with eating and/or sleeping, persistent feelings of guilt, or impairment of ordinary life functioning, you need professional assistance.
• You are experiencing physical symptoms that include: chest pains, sweating or shortness of breath, nausea or lightheadedness, dramatic changes in weight or physical appearance, or sleep disturbances
如果在試過上述的方式後 仍然感到孤立 或傷心的症狀強度仍未消弱 例如 失眠 吃不下 或經歷身體的症狀 例如 胸痛 冒汗 呼吸問題 等戥
Gaining strength from facing the challenge of a breakup
You can use divorce or breakup to engage in healing and empowering processes of self discovery. What matters in the healing process is your ability to make sense of your divorce or breakup. Challenges faced are opportunities to:
• Learn more about your beliefs, habits and needs.
• Build more powerful and effective interpersonal skills.
• Acknowledge past losses and recover from them, as well as your current loss.
The work of grief is to let the emotions flow, not attempt to block or judge them. Acceptance of the reality of current circumstances can lead to a renewed hope for the future, even though it is different from the one you used to imagine.
Through this opportunity, you are free to focus on other pursuits:
• Your friendships (and children if you have them).
• Helping others in need.
• Doing the things you've always wanted to do, but didn’t because your partner was not supportive
雖然分手帶來莫大的痛苦 但若能善用它 卻是一個幫助自己成長 變的更好的機會 俗語說 “危機即轉機”
了解自己的信念 習慣 和需要
友誼 幫助別人 去做你一直想做的事